I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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