I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
