Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
