hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
