people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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