i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
