Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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