it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
