i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
