Im at strip club and am horny
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
