I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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