On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can i not drive my cunt home
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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