Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
