so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
