we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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