also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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