new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
