exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
