Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
