White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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