I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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