He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I looked at my own cervix.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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