Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
