I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
