Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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