this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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