used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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