i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
