It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
