It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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