When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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