This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Randomize
