2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
