dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
BRING THE BAGELS
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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