it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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