Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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