im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
