Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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