i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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