he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
