the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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