His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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