I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
