Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
