I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
