how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
