Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
