and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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