so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
