if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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