happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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