too bad you live with your parents still
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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