is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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