Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
