hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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