I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
