Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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