Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
