i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
