found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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