i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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