The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
