I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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