Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
