i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
