There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
