I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
