Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
