I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
