i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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