Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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