Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
