nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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