haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
