shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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