dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Welp...herpes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
