Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
