You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
